clean yourself up

Twenty me!

2011-09-25T22:19:00.002+08:00

Hi! I know its been donkey years since Ive updated and Im surprised that I still have people dropping by and checking my blog every now and then. Sorry! But nobody ask me to update so I didnt bother to.

So now I hope i'll update frequently cause I just download blogger app on my phone. So yah, hopefully I'll be a good blogger and blog religiously. Hekhekhek.

Anyway, I turned twenty on Wednesday and I got the shock of my life. My awesome mum and sis threw a surprise birthday party for me at my own home and my close friends and cousins were there. Thank you so much you guiseeeee!!!!. But my sister told me she invited all of my friends but mhhh yahh.. They cant make it. Kinda upset abt that but oh wells.

I really wna get into details but Im too lazy. Heh.

Thank you everyone who is reponsible for making my 20th the most memorable one, I never had a surprise birthday party heheh. Thank you Rashid for the watch and two of my fave scents. Thank you Mathadi for the sweet perfume! And special many thanks to my ibu for cooking up a storm for this and my cute sister for planning all this. Mwah mwah! Xoxo

2011-07-04T04:00:00.000+08:00

OMG its been the longest time since I last blog. Bahahahah oh wells. So anyway the secret trip that I had was I wenta Bali(people who's in my fb friends list would know by now hahaha) with few of my fave people in the world and I had the greatest time ever. It was fun but I wished that we stayed longer. And it really sad when we had to leave Bali. I would definitely go to Bali again if I had the chance to. Do all the activities and tan at their beaches. Le sigh.

I cant seem to upload photos cause I dont know why so perhaps next time. Im just here cause Im bored and nothing else to do and Tumblr is giving me a boner and making me hungry as fuck and also scare the shit out of me tskkkkk. TUMBLR ALWAYS GIVE ME MIXED FEELINGS!!! SHEESH.

I really have so much to say but I dont know how to put it to wordssss. Oh I have two awesome polaroids photos of me and Rashid and I cant stop looking at it. We look so goddamn gorgeous HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA LOLZZZ. Ive been wanting to get polaroids but I doubt I use it that much cause their film is so exxxxxxx. Like 12bux for 10pieces? Snap snap snap and then finish. Sho borings.

Okay I have nothing else to say bahhhh~ Goodnight!

ready for take off

2011-06-18T17:39:00.003+08:00

HIEEEE! I know I havent been updating for such a long time hehhh been busy with life, chehhh. I know theres a handful of you who checks my blog everyday to see if Ive updated or not. Thank you for being such a loyal reader and Im sorry for being such an awful blogger, my drive to blog has decrease drastically cause Im always out and about, HAHAHA kidding.

Im really really really excited now. Cant wait for my flight. I just finish washing up and Im still in towels now. Gna head out with my sister and drive to either Mustafa center or Parkway to change our currency and grab couple of necessities. And get home later on, find clothes to bring and pack and clean my room. I dont know how many outfits I should bring. Rashid told me to bring like 2 or 3 tops and get clothes there instead but I dunno. :\ So many things in my mind that I feel like shitting. Hahahahah I am so bloody weird -.-

Okay needa get dress and head out now. Will update when Im back, hopefully. xx

think we kissed but i forgot

2011-05-26T03:47:00.003+08:00

I don't understand why some people love to assume shits by just reading my blog. Look, its my blog and you should know that I only let you see what I choose to show. Which means, you don't know shit about whats happening in my life, let alone know shit about me. So do me and yourself a favor by not making a huge fucking fool of yourself.

And you're also a frikking nitwit for asking anonymously. Why? Scared, right? Yeah I know. Tsk tsk. Fucking scared to ask me directly, still got the cheek to ask such questions. Try asking my on my facebook inbox uh. Loser much? Yup. Also, its so sad that I receive bitchy questions everytime I blog. But got nice questions also lah, but sorta rarely. Most of the time, people criticize me for being unfriendly just because I don't smile much in school, for being a jerk just because I decided to break up with someone who is clearly destroying me. Sometimes, they will still criticize me even when there's nothing to criticize about(yes, I'm that perfect till nothing to criticize about lol) I mean really, they will just say things to pull me down. Especially when I started dating Rashid. I was pressured by how people would judge us till he said if I cant handle it I should just shut this shit(by shit I mean formspring) down. And thinking back, probably they're just jealous. They are trying to bring us down because we are above them. That's about it.

I am above you.

I'm not saying I'm perfect like bloody perfect. I'm not saying that I don't criticize either. I just don't get it why people have to be anonymous about it and not being logical enough. I mean, come on, calling me an ugly fat bitch when I'm not even fat to start with? I'm 55kg for fucks sake and standing at 167. I am really that fat? *shoots myself* =____=" Oh this is not about fat girl issues, its about not being logical when criticizing and assuming. Assuming is sorta like stereotyping too. Oh so I'm a blond so I must be a bimbo. Oh I wear all black so I must be emo and cut myself. Seriously? *shoot myself again*

Apart from that, I had a jolly good time climbing earlier on today and cam-whoring session with my Chong when I got home.

This is my little Chong(short for Manchong) if you guys haven't met him.

My two apple of my eyes. Skinny and fatty.

This just my nails which I'm currently in love with. The colour I mean. It doesn't look like that in real life. Its more to like grayish dark brown I suppose. Its called You don't know Jacques from O.P.I. I have no idea what that means. O.P.I have the weirdest name for nail lacquer.

Goodnight! XOXO

punctuality

2011-05-24T23:58:00.002+08:00

I really dont know what to blog about. My life is pretty much dry.. just like the weather.

Talking bout' the weather, the weather just now was a total killer! Oh my goodness! I sweat straight away I stepped out of the shower. I bet Im still sweating when Im showering but my sweat mix with the water so Im not so sure if Im sweating while showering. Moving on.. Standing under the hot sun for a cab is not funny too. And not even close to a smile when you have to walk under the hot sun for like 20mins?

I have to get my grand dad's meds over at CGH before I head for school. Yes Im an awesome grand daughter, no need for the applause. I went out at 1.10(somewhere there) and my class starts at 2. Took cab, CGH, wait for my queue number which is the longest time ever like a polyclinic, took 31 to grandparents place, walk for like 10mins, got up, deliver, walk to school and I reach school around 2.20 - 2.30pm. And my lecturer was like.. showing me his watch. I dont think he buy it when I told him I wenta the hospital but whatever.

I also receive a warning letter for being late for school for few times. Sometimes I think its not entirely my fault that Im late. Sometimes when Im getting ready to head to school, my mum just have to boss me around and ask me to do this and do that yada yada. And then she scolds me for being late when its partly her fault too. I wont be late if she didnt ask me to do shit. Tsk.

So anyway, last friday I went climbing at yishun as usual with the usual people and I brought my camera along. The boys went crazy snapping away while I was in the shower and from full bar battery, it was empty by the time Im out.

I am reallyyyy really grateful that I can share my passion/interest with someone I love hurhurhur. Cause can learn from each other and talk about it and stuff like that. I love you lah Rashid xoxoxoxxxx!

Okay I needa get my ass to bed cause I wna get up early to eat my supposely dinner but Im keeping it so that I can have it for brunch and can save money, no need to eat in school. Mehehehe.

And Im waiting for something.. WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU? WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE YET? Pffffffffffffffft. Please come sooner or quickly or better yet, NOW! I dont like this feeling. I hate being all worked up and worried about your absence. *look at the watch*

contrive

2011-05-20T02:27:00.002+08:00

Hi. Spend my vesak day having dinner with Rashid and his secondary school buddies. It was pleasant but too bad Sab cant make it. Shared carrot cake as appetizers and then shared a bowl of sliced fish soup which was utter disappointment. The bee hoon was still slightly hard and it was just soup, veggie(more of stem's in my opinion) and few slices of fish. I had better sliced fish soup. Not gna get that fish soup at As-salihin ever again. Hmpfh.

And I also tried almond milk(almond susu) which Ive been really curious about and it taste like cherries. Also taste like cough syrup. Also taste yucky. It was thick and.. just not my liking. Oh wells. Atleast I know what it taste like. Hurhur.

So today is Friday and I have no school. Woohooo! Ive finally exempted from one of my module. So on Monday, I end at 2 instead of 5. On Tuesday, I have a 3hr break(which I will head back home for a nap,teeheehee). Start school at 2.30 on Thursday instead of 12 and finally, no school on Friday. Maybe I should get a job and fill my time. Rashid been working for 2 days and all I did was sleep cause I have nothing to do at all(really pathetic, i felt so useless). I only wake up when he's done with work so that I can text him and stuff. Alright, I have to get going. I needa sort out my wardrobe since my sister got a wardrobe and I have all the space again and then I have to get my ass to bed cause I have dental appointment later and climbing at yishun afterwards! I smell productive day coming ahead but Im broke as hell. Pffffft :( Have good weekend ya'll! XOXO

breakfast maker

2011-05-17T16:06:00.002+08:00

Bon Appétit

deadmouse

2011-05-10T01:55:00.000+08:00

Hi just a quick post I suppose. I need to sleep soon but my eyes are still not that tired. Its been a week since I last blog. I do wna blog on a daily basis. Okay maybe not on daily basis. Maybe like twice a week or so. Sometimes I do have the feeling to blog but when I on my lappy.. I will do other things like tumblr and twitter. And recently I got myself hooked on counter strike. Its been having on and of addiction for counter strike. The person who taught me how to play counter strike was my dad. When I was 10. Bahaha. Counter strike basically grew up together with me, lollll.

So anywayyyy.. my weekend was awesome because I get to catch Deadmau5 live at Scape! on Friday! Oh my goshhhhhhh! I'm not much of a big fan of deadmau5 but I do listen to his music but I never see myself dancing when he spins. Its like surreal to me that I'm actually in front of the stage dancing to his beats. His concert(idk if its called a concert or not) was bloody awesome. Adding the fact that I got paid 90$ for watching it too. SCOREEEEE!

Thank you Azieeeee cause without her this wouldn't happen. And HAPPIEST 20TH BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUUUU! I don't know if you're gna read this but nehmind. I is so jealous cause your birthday like so gerek only! Hehehehe, we should hangout together one day okay? (ok imma make sure she reads this)

So anyway, LAMC productions people were so nice and friendly and its good that I can talk and clicked well because I am socially awkward. Well I dunno.. I think that Im socially awkward. Am I socially awkward? Ok I dunno.

So anyway, on Saturday.. I stayed home the whole afternoon and only went out at almost 8 or 9pm to have dinner with my babyboy after bickering about certain stuff. I like how he can smile at me widely when I meet him after arguing and stuff. Hehehehek.

And on Sunday.. He went to town to get me Phish food (my fave Ben and Jerry ice cream) which are not sold in supermarket or what anymore. It have to be hand packed. Ive been telling him about phish food and that its not sold anymore and stuff like that but I didn't really expect him to really go to the extent of getting it for me. Cause its just ice cream and there's other ice cream that I can get but.. haisssss. I dunno what to say lah, speechless. Run errands abit and then had movie marathon at his place. Ok not really movie marathon uh, we just rent 1 movie and then he was busy sketching out a blueprint for his room to revamp it. And me.. busy with tumblr as usual.

Okay I think I want to sleep now. Goodnight everybody xoxo!

angry bird

2011-05-03T23:57:00.006+08:00

Hi! Im back from my trip, obviously. Got back at 3pm on Monday. The trip wasn't a good one as a family but thank goddddddd for my awesome bunch of cousins who're such good sports and up for anything. We went swimming at 1am in the morning and star gaze in the pool. That moment was just damn bloody magical. The sky was so clear and the stars were so bright. That moment was breath taking. And also, I thought them to play blind mice in our chalet room. (we cousins sleep together instead of sleeping with respective family). At first they think its a stupid boring idea, zzzzzzzzzz. Blind mice = lights out and the blind mice had their eyes covered. So basically we're all blind but the blind mice is so blind-er. Hahahaha wtf.

Those things were the highlight of the trip. The rest of it were just.. zzzzzzzz. And I won 4 prizes! Two of my prizes were 1st place prize, one 3rd price and a lucky draw prize. Hahaha shoo funnnn! I vlog while I was there but Im too lazy to upload the video up. Probably one day.

Got home and straight away called my loverboy and try to wake him out. I like the way he sounds when he answer the phone. He sound sleepy but excited at the same time and Idk, sounds adorable to me. Feel like squeezing his guts out at that point. Hehhhh. Took a kitty nap cause I was so darn tired and woke up around 7-ish and met him around 8pm for dinner in front of my house. He left me messages for me to read when I get back and all so sweet please. I can get a toothache. Hahahahaha wth lol.

(thats not my lower lip btw, thats my tongue. hahahaha)

3rd week of school already and Im still in holiday mood. Wth -.- I just wna stay in bed and wake up at whatever time that I feel like. I still have this sleep-is-more-important kinda attitude and I have to kick that habit. I should be lucky that I got school thats 10mins walk from my home. Need to be in school early which means I have to sleep early which means I have to sleep now. Okay goodnight ya'll! Have a good Wednesday. Xoxo

affected

2011-04-30T13:48:00.003+08:00

Im going to Mersing soon(like real soon, in few hours time) and will be back on Monday. Zzzzzz. Im only looking forward to the food and prizes. I am glad that I have a huge ass crazy family who loves to organize events to get together like this. Like bowling competition and out of the country chalet thing. But I'm not looking forward to take part in the games. Its so tiringgggg and I'm lazy, I just wna be lazy and be a couch potato. -.-

My kitchen is almost doneeeeeee! Okay not really almost done. Now there's plumbers doing the piping works and stuff like that. I cant wait to see how it turns out. But I really cant wait to start cooking and baking again! Hurhur and I also cant wait to see how my room floor will be like.

So Ive yet to pack. I got all the things Im suppose to bring though. Just lazy to put the stuff in yada yada yada. Im gna blast music in the car later on and sleep the whole journey. I hate leaving, knowing that we're not in really good condition. Well, I don't know about him but I know what I'm feeling. I shouldn't be blogging about this - a relationship is between two people, not the whole world.

Well it's not funny anymore that I've heard the same thing from different people. It's just really really hurtful. I just don't understand why some people let their anger take over them. Yeah, I understand that you're fuming but is it really necessary to say things like that to someone you love? Have you ever think about how the person would feel? Have you ever consider how they feel in the first place? I know different people, have different ways but to me.. I think its stupid to be cursing and calling someone this and that when you're angry.

Well whatever. Im just so fucking sad uh, thats all. Nothing much. Its just sad. Sad is nothing. I've been sad million times so its pretty much nothing. So its okay. Im okay. Im just sad. -.-

Okay I needa wash myself up and pack my stuff and get the fuck out of this country. Have a good weekend and a good labor day everyone! XOXO

right next to you

2011-04-24T00:16:00.004+08:00

Hi! Sitting infront of me now is a big Frosties cereal box, a glass of milk, two slices of pizza and a big bottle of Pokka green tea. I'd figured I'll blog while waiting for my second movie to load. I watched The Roommate just now. Its not even out yet in Singapore but I supposed I cant catch it on the big screen because Im trying to save as much as I can for my trip. I can't wait to get the hell out of this town. But right now I have to struggle to save as much as I can. Saving is good too. Can cut down my food intake and snacks which means can lose weight and look sexy, bahahahaha.

Just kidding. Im already sexy as fuck. If I lose weight and look sexy.. I'll be sexier than ever and everybody will be jealous and kill themselves. HAHAHAHAHA. Just kiddinggg! Pheww, so tired of laughing. I should stop being so funny. HAHAHA LOLLLL! Okay stop it already.

So anywayyy, my good friday was spend in bed because period cramps decided to attack me. So its not really a good friday. Shiddy came for awhile to calm me down or smtg. But it did works though. The cramps went away after few cuddles with him, lollll. He went home while I get ready to head out. First time riding his new ride. Shoo comfy but I cant decide if I should lean back to lean towards him cause got box, mehehehehehe. Oh wells. Its nice to feel the wind hitting my face and the smell of exhaust on my hair after the ride. But as it goes, I'm more to taking public or walking then riding. Personal references. I've had people saying shit about me going for guys with bikes. I find it really stupid for people to say things like that about it. Well, bitches can't keep their mouth shut can't they?

Mhmmm.. I miss Rashid right now. Wonder what he's doing or where he's at.

Okay bye, I have nothing else to blog about. XOXO

love in summer rain

2011-04-20T00:12:00.002+08:00

I have nothing to blog about.
Just wanted to say hi and type stuff here.
I dont know why I dont get sick of typing or get sick of facing the computer.
I face the computer every single day and type every single day in school.
I think Im addicted to the computer. =____="
I need a job. Someone recommend please? Preferably east side.

Im so annoyed with the state of my room right now.
Its really messy and dusty and shit.
Blearghhhhhh I hate renovations! I dont know how Im gna live when they start doing my room. Im hardly eating at home now. How to save when I have to get my own dinner? Pfffft. I need a job, pronto! Okay I wna sleep or do something now. Goodnight, XOXO.

fatty

2011-04-17T14:27:00.012+08:00

Its been almost a week since I last blog. Ive been real busy with school and getting lost in school. Okay, not lost. Im just not familiar with it yet and yeah, I'll get use to it. I have to make this a quick one cause I need to get my ass up and do the dishes, vacuum the house, pack whatever it is that needs to be pack. Im getting my house renovated you see. Pffft. Takes alot of work and I hate doing alot of work. Hahahah oh wells. Atleast my room gonna have a new floor and a whole new kitchen! I cant wait to see the outcome cause Im the only one in the family that doesn't know the planning. I like surprises, lol! I cant wait to start cooking/baking again in the kitchen. My stove is fucked up, thats why. Haven't had home cooked meals for the longest time! Its always eating out. Tskkkk.

So anyway.. Wenta climb at Yishun with my climb-mates and baby yesterday. He is finally done with his office hours attachment, yayyyy! Planned to go with Sab but she got some other plans, boohoo! We head out at 10am to have KFC breakfast. Had blueberry pancakes and its sooooo damn bloody awesome! I feel like having blueberry pancakes or muffins or waffles now. Anything blueberry will do. I'll ditched Macdonals pancakes from now on. KFC pancakes ftw!

Head to Yishun with the boys and a girl after that and climbed till 6pm if Im not wrong.

Theres more photos but Im too lazy to upload em' all. Its taking the longest time to upload yknow! Im too lazy to resize them, so yeah. Mehehehe. I had fun bouldering with baby and he's pretty good. He gave me two routes which I didnt finish up, bahahaha -.-' Had long jong silver for dinner. The breaded fish is sooooo goodddd. Got clam chowder somemore, my faveee! I used have clam chowder almost everyday when Im schooling at Bishan. Mhh.. good ol' times.

Alright, gotta go now. XOXO

62 more days!

the girl who cried wolf

2011-04-09T01:01:00.003+08:00

Don't try to explain your mind
I know what's happening here
One minute it's love
And suddenly it's like a battle-field

One word turns into a war
Why is it the smallest things that tear us down?
My world's nothing when you don't
I'm not here without a shield
Can't go back now

Both hands tied behind my back with nothing
Oh no, these times when we climb so fast to fall again
Why we gotta fall for it now
I never meant to start a war
You know I never wanna hurt you
Don't even know what we're fighting for

Why does love always feel like a battlefield?

Oh hi! Today I had my dental appointment and I got it change to black and yellow black and yellow black and yellow. My lower teeth is hurting like a bitch now and I'm about to eat my cheese hot-dogs while feeling super duper crappy like fuck why the fuck are there tears? I know my english is atrocious but I honestly don't give a single flying fuck. I'm hungry and sad as fuck all I want to do is sleep with atleast a happy tummy even if I'm sleeping with my own tears. Goodnight and have a good weekends ya'll. I think mine's already ruined. :'(

hot ice cream

2011-04-04T23:54:00.000+08:00

Hiiiiiiiiiiii~ I think I can start blogging everyday(okay maybe not everyday) cause I have a camera and can take photos and then blog about it, mehehehehehe. I bought my camera out today to explore-explore the camera.

Had a wonderful evening with my part time lover and a full time friend. Met him after this work and bought Koi. I think I'm starting to get addicted to Koi :S But oh please don't. Koi is too pricey for that kinda drink. I mean, Koi is kinda average drink. I honestly don't know whats so good about Koi. Its nice, yes.. but uhmm.. pretty average uh but yummy uh -.- So anyway.. we had chicken rice for dinner after that and impromptu-ly bought J.Co donuts. Walked home after that, bought green and cards(again for the 1000000x) and chillax around my area. No wonder Im getting fat. He keeps getting me what I want even though I say it jokingly. And I cant say no to such awesome stuff like awesome yummy food which taste so frikking awesome in my mouth.

Oh before meeting him.. Me and mother went out to get our hair doneeee. Mehehehe. I never had my hair done with her before. I usually get it done with my sister or friends, so yup. She got her hair straighten and I got my hair treatment cause my hair is wayyyy too dry. Too dry that I feel like soaking my hair in my moisturizer. I got my hair done first obviously and my hair feels so darn smooth and silky like a babys butt. It smells so damn awesome too! So damn awesome that if I could fuck my hair, I would. HAHAHAHA. Got my fringe shorten as well. I wanted to trim my hair but I figured my hair is pretty healthy, no split ends or anything and I wanted to keep it long so yeah might as well no needa cut if I wna keep it long, right. But I dunno, sometimes I feel like having short hair since Ive been having long hair since I was 16.

So anywayyyy..

I had the most wonderful-est evening. Had such a bloody good time laughing my ass off about his antics. We had so many things to talk about and laugh about and if its possible, we can spend the whole night talking and laughing but too bad we can't cause he have work the next day. Bummer :( But oh wells.. I'm meeting him again after his work and we is gonna have dinner over at his place and play some scrabble or watching movie or family guy or something. So anyway.. we talk and laugh way too much that we totally forget about playing the cards that we bought =_=" I don't know many cards we have now. We kept buying every time we're going to chillax.

Chillax = Chill + Relax. For those of you who don't know.

Those photos took forever to uploadddddddd grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. One thing I hate about having a camera.. it takes forever to upload to blogger and I'm just fucking plain lazy to resize and all those shiznit. And I dont like that my photos became pixelated after uploading. Not nice sia, nabeh. Okay I think I should stop complaining. Okay goodnight, want to roll around my bed and fall asleep and have wet dreams of myself. HAHAHAHA xoxo

five

2011-04-04T02:04:00.005+08:00

5 Things

Five things you’ll find in my bag:

1. wallet
2. keys
3. phone
4. mp3
5. ezlink

Five things in my bedroom:

1. 5 hamster cages
2. laptop
3. perfume, makeup
4. bed
5. wardrobe

Five things I’ve always wanted to do in life:

1. jump off a cliff/ledge into the ocean
2. skydive
3. make/produce a short film
4. write a novel
5. happily marry

Five things that make me very happy:

1. ice cream/chocolates
2. humor
3. doing absolutely nothing and being care free
4. my kitties
5. new stuff

Five things I’m currently into:

1. spring/summer dresses
2. rock climbing
3. tumblr
4. mascara
5. radio

Five things on my to-do list:

1. train for pumpfest
2. train for pumpfest
3. be good enough for pumpfest
4. do something else
5. smile more

Five things people may or may not know about you:

1. i'm really vulgar
2. i love meeting people/talking to people
3. i can be shy
4. my body clocked is haywire
5. i'm easily amused
6. i love to climb

Post a picture of yourself

Hi ya'll! *waves frantically* Its already Monday! Woooo! -.- I already applied for school and I hope it get in and Ive yet to apply for Poly. I dont think I will apply for poly since theres no use cause my cumulative GPA is not the cut-off point. Fuck shit Im always soooooooo close to it. Pfffffffft. Anywayyyyyyy.. I finally got a camera! Okay not me but my mom bought a camera for her business trip. Now that her business trip is over, I can practically use it anytime I want. Yayyyyyyy! The above photo was taken using the camera. Me is so happy and excited to bring it out one day and take truckloads of photos. Hehhhehehe.

So anyway.. On Friday(FRIDAY, FRIDAY.. GETTIN' DOWN ON FRIDAY. PARTY AND PARTY, YEAH!).. had a girls day out with my mom and sister. Went to Clementi to visit my aunt who just came back from Umrah. It was fun hanging out with the little kitties and do colouring books and fetching my niece from school. Reach there pretty late because me and my sister take the longest time to get ready and head out. Even when we're late, we can still queue up at Koi and get a drink and brought it all the way to Clementi and sneaking around to get a sip of it in the train. And when we reach Clementi, there's a bloody Koi there. =____=" Bought lunch and had lunch at aunt's place. Yada yada yada.. head home around 8-ish. Pit stop at Starhub outlet to get me a new phone hehehehehhhh but was let down due to unforeseen circumstances. Was pretty disappointed but I know I have no say in this because well.. 1) Im not paying for it 2) Its not my contact that ended. So I just havta wait and just endure with this goddam phone till god knows when zzzzzz. Oh wells, atleast can make out calls and texts. Bought kitty and hamster food and head home after that and saw my secondary school junior holding a kid and learn that its her kid. WTFFFFFFFFF!

Girls who are even younger than me are mothers now. O.o

Moving on.. On Saturdayyyyyy~ Had a movie date with my boyfriend(hahahahaha, purposely say that cause some people care so must if he's my bf or not but for the record, he's not my boyfriend hahahah lol). Had lunch first and bought the 7pm slot and then chill till 6.45pm and then head to the moviesss. We catched Hop. Its a story about Easter day. Its so funny and all I care about it their soundtracks. I dont know whats with me and OST. I will like the movie because the soundtrack rocks even if the movie pretty much suck. But Hop was okay. Its a cute movie. After that.. we head to Koi and I had Koi for 4 days straight. Hehhh. Bumped into one of his girlfriend(as in.. a friend who happens to be a girl hahaha) and she paid the drink for me. Thank you sooooooo much(if you happen to read this!) Wanted to have dinner around my area but my climbmates were at Big Mac so we had Macdonals for dinner instead. Theres a match between Man U and Idk who I don't even care so yeap. Bumped into Qaiyum and Khaislowthinker(major lolllllllll). Had so much fun laughing and talking nonsense and talking about random stuff.

My Saturday was fucking awesome and tired at the same time but mainly fucking awesome. I wont forget it, evahhhhhhhh. Hahahah.

And my Sunday is a stay home Sunday. Shit happen and kept falling asleep the whole time so yep. Bummed at home and had the spiciest dinner in 2011. More spicy things to come cause I love spicy food though I tend to sweat like fucking mad. Hahhhh.

Okay too wordy already. Have a good Monday ya'll, I needa sleep nowwww. XOXO

maybe yes maybe no

2011-03-31T19:48:00.004+08:00

Told Rashid I'm gna take a bath but I'm still here in front of the lappy blogging away. Heh. So anyway.. Im so exciteddddddd! I couldn't sleep last night thinking about my results which released at 8am this morning. Rashid woke me up at 8am cause I asked him to cause I wanted to check my results because I am such a kanchiong(I don't know how to describe this in English) person.

And I fucking aced! Oh myyyyyyyy goodnesssssss! I was so fucking nervous when I logged into my portal. I wasn't expecting any A at all. I mention on twitter that I never received an A before because I'm such an average person.. I usually just receive a B or C no matter how hard I studied. I was expecting to flunk too or well.. just average grades due to whatever happen to my head and all those stupid drama, stalker etc. But nooooooooo~ I did well! All those studying like mad for one stupid module paid off. And I got a B for that module, which was not expected as well. I'm expecting a C for that module cause its so fucking tough and so many fucking things to remember. I cant believe thisssss and I cant believe my GPA as well. Asdfghjklmnbvcxzqwpeoeiruty!!!! And I was really speechless when Rashid asked me hows my results.

I couldn't go back to sleep after checking my results. My phone buzzed and my twitter timeline was flooded with people saying about results and my mentions flooded with people congratulated me. Thank you so much all!

Im gna apply for both Poly and Higher Nitec. Poly just to try my luck, hehhh. Not gonna put any hopes on poly though, cause my GPA isn't that good for poly but Imma try anyways. And right now.. I'm frikking starving.

And I shouldn't stop doing my workout routine. Cause every time if I stop and continue the next day.. I'll get backache or some parts of my body will ache or sore. Geez. Other than that, I had a good climb on Wednesday with my bros and Semot gave me his old chalkbag cause he got a new one. Thank youuuuuuuu even tho its smelly but I don't mind the smell.. its a pretty normal smell. Now I just cant wait to apply for school tomorrow at 12noon. Why can't they just let us apply school when we receive our results? Isn't that easier? Now we have to wait to apply.. then wait again for the school application results. Blearghhh.

And I'm thinking if I should compete in this year Pumpfest. Still thinking cause I don't know if Im ready to compete. Oh wells, shall think and make my decisions before the 20th April. Alot of decisions making this March and April. And I hate decisions making. I mean, those life decision making uh. Like between life and death and future etc kinda decisions -.- and I especially hate those on the spot kinda decisions that you have to make. Im such a fickle minded person which suck uh really.

Okay I need to clean myself if not later someone scold :S Hehehehe okay bye xx

bumpy ride

2011-03-30T02:10:00.000+08:00

I want to blog but I have no idea what to blog about. Right this second.. the feeling I thought I'd forgotten creeps up to me. It feels like crap, feels like my heart being squeezed out. Like someone squeezing out all its juice. I really hope history doesnt repeat itself. I'm trying my best not to think about it but sometimes I just cant help it cause I'm reminded about it. No, not about the person. But the feeling. Fucking hate this feeling. And now tears just cant stop falling. I do not understand why I still feel this way and cry buckets over small matters. Maybe because I've been hurt too much that even the slightest paper cut hurts like a bitch? Fuck the person who made me this way. I wasn't like this. I'm not like this. This is not me. Blearghhhhhhhhh wuiafauihneaigjaeoqoejajnls!

Tskkkkk. Really need to get a grip of myself.

I'm just glad I have climbing later on and I can vent whatever it is that I wanna vent on the wall and on those pretty tiles and jugs and pincher. And I hope I don't scrap my skin this week. 2 weeks straight I scrap my skin. Okay off to sleep now goodnight xx

Suckerpunch

2011-03-26T03:20:00.005+08:00

Hi! Today I is very happy cause I finally got my dark chocolate which Ive been craving for since Monday. But not so happy cause didn't manage to get chalkbag. Need to visit climbasia soon and check out their chalkbag. Idk if theres any nice-nice one. I want cute-cute and nice-nice one. Preferably Prana or Metolius. And I also very happy because I got my dosage of Rashid. You have no idea how much I miss him. Weird how he makes me feel all blue but I still miss him like crazy. Yeah cause when you're in love, even shit smells like Adidas perfume. I like Adidas perfume, cheap cheap good good.

And I is very mentel today, I webcamwhore when I was waiting for baby Rashid to come online.

OMG I AM SO MENTEL -.- I cant believe I posted those photos up there considering I have low self-esteem -.- -.- -.- Im not this vain by the way hahahaha. I mean, Im not those type of girls who keeps on staring at my own reflection wheneven I see a mirror or well.. a reflection. Im the type who dont really care how my hair looks like. I mean, I dont bother to comb it. I dont even comb my hair at all! But Im the type who doesnt bother must but still wants to look presentable. Its very important to atleast look presentable cause who knows a model agency wanna hire me. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha blahhh~

So anyway.. Today I went down to Marina Square to support my pro-climbers in boulderactive competition. Even though they didnt qualify, Im still proud of them. They manage to try all the routes and Semot even finish up 4 out of 5 routes. Congrats bro! Very proud of you. Mehehehehe. After all that cheer and Ale ale-ing.. we head our ass down to Tampines mall to catch Sucker Punch.

I SWEAR TO GOD THAT MOVIE LINE SUCK. PLEASE DONT WATCH IT AT ALL. Go buy dvd or something. But seeing those hot chicks fighting in war with guns and shits is worth it though. And I like all the soundtrack too. But still, the plot sucks. I dont understand it at all. Waited for Rashid to come after the movie and had dinner and walked home and yeah. Putting all the shits behind. Well I always put shits behind. I dont like to think of it.. it distracts me from the now. If you get what I mean. Its not even healthy to think or dwell or what about the past, right?

Okay off to sleep now if now later kena scold. I dont want to kena scold. Heheheh goodnight xoxo!

proud as a peacock

2011-03-25T01:14:00.005+08:00

Hiiiiiiiii~ I'm currently have a crazy back and shoulder ache. But my back hurts the most. Due to excessive climbing, what else. I took my level 2 course on Wednesday. You have no idea how I felt when I reach Safra Yishun. I just can believe that I'm actually taking level 2 at all. At that point, I wish I had someone to this excitement but I wasn't in good terms with my significant other so I just kept telling the boys " eh serious eh level 2? " till they were really annoyed. Even after it all ended I was like.. " eh ended already is it? so this means we got level 2 cert now? really? finish already? " And again, they were super annoyed. Hehhhh. And I was the only girl there, whats new -.-

I didn't sleep the whole night before due to some reasons. I just cant sleep if there's a lot of stupid shit in my head, okay?! So I just stayed in bed all the way till my alarm went off and I got up and get ready. Bought epok-epok at interchange and off to Yishun with the boys. Bla bla bla.. Reach around 9.40, changed and had a small lecture about how to lead. We basically knew how to lead but in more advance way or something. The right and wrong way to put the runners and how to put the rope and how to lead belay etc etc. So one by one started leading. I didn't know how to lead belay so yup, my first lead belay and thank god I had to belay Mot cause he's a good climber and I don't have to deal with dynamic fall.

My turn to lead and it was scorching hot ohhhh myyyy goodnesssssss! The rocks were frikking hot. I manage to get 5 runners out of 10 which is good mind you! Considering that was only my 2nd time leading. Tskk! I was really scared to fall I was holding up till I cant hold no more and so I basically fell upside down and got a rope burn. Ouch much! And the best part was that my belayer didn't do a squeeze check and he didn't clip his carabina. Nice!

And then we had to instruct Woodlands secondary on how to boulder. Me, Din and Fauzi(but both of them left me alone in the end =.=) had to instruct 10 really really bitchy and naughty girls. I swear to god, I have no idea whats happening to generation. I did few demo's and they pretty much knew how to climb but all they wanted to do is dance. They even got some house music playing and they were talking about events. WHUT THE FUCK! Seriously? When I was 14, I didn't even know what is club. And my first club was this year when I'm 19-turning-20. Tsk tskkkk. Soon after that, thank god my instructor came up and taught them awhile. I asked them if they club and they're like.. " where got time to club? " =____=" At first I thought they're 16 so at least can go underage party but they're only turning 14. =____="""""" I taught then how to do spotting and I said you must held up your hands so that if the person fall you can support them by holding their waist or so. And one of the girls said " eh cannot lah, only my boyfriend can touch me "

WHUT THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK?

I was rolling my eyes all over. Thank god few girls were really interested and ask me how I manage to climb all over. I feel so powerful, hahahahahahaha! It was a good experience being like a coach. LOL! So had lunch after that. Free lunch huhuhuh! Had ayam rendang, sotong masak ape ntah, kangkong belacan and idk what else. The ayam rendang was the most orgasmic uh, really. Got back in, rest in the boulder gym and boulder some more. Did few own routes and did some upside down routes which I'm so proud of myself. And then back to level 2. Learning how to abseilling. This part is the most confusing ever! So many things to remember but Alhamdullilah I manage to get through it. Rest again at boulder gym which was soooo packed =_="

And then had rope lesson. Another confusing part. So many types of rope tying blearghhhh. I manage to d every rope ties but now I can only remember 2 types of rope tie, hahaha =_=" Its crazy. So everything ended around 8+++++ I think. I was soooo tired by then due to no sleep the night before. Boulder some more then sleep for a lil while in the boulder gym.

Wash up around 9 and got home exactly at 10.30pm and shit just got deeper and cant help but to cry myself to sleep -.-' Wednesday is practically my proud-of-myself day. I really wish I had someone to share my proud-ness to but yah :(

Anywayyyyyy..

Things that I want right now..

Pokka Green Tea

Hershey's Dark Chocolate

Metolious Chalkbag. Damn pretty rightttttt? I wanttttt! *stomps feet*
Funny how I see matreps using this to put their phones/wallet etc inside. HAHAHAHA bloody funny, really. Its for chalk you fools! -.-

Short dresses(I know I hardly wear dresses,hehh. Cause I dont have much dresses so.. I need more dresses!)

Green Dreamland Papillio. My papillio worn out already.

Last but not least..

I want my Rashid right now. Right this second but I know cannot lah, duh. =.= I miss seeing his face, hearing his laughter and staring into his eyes. Oh his eyes, I can stare for hours. Something bout his eyes that just makes me smile, really. I miss tickling him till he's about to explode, I miss biting him till there's my braces marks, I miss playing with his lips and make baby sounds, I miss being in his arms and I miss goofing around with him. Things been really rough lately, cant deny that. Its been awhile since I last see him too. I miss you terribly, Muhammad Abdul Rashid :(

I have to sleep soon. And tomorrow Imma get green tea and dark chocolate the first thing when Im out. Im probably gna get the chalkbag too and hopefully I'll get my dosage of Rashid as well. Goodnight people, xoxo!

we sure are cute for two ugly people part duex

2011-03-22T21:40:00.012+08:00

Im having a seriously intense period cramp right now but Im blogging anyways cause if I prolong it, Im scared Im not able to remember everything. Bahahaha.

(ohhh gosh this pain is seriously crazy. i need want need want need wantttttt dark chocolate right now and maybe couple of bananas)

(chocolate and banana cake from secret recipe sounds good too right now)

(i just had milo. next best thing for chocolate. but i still want dark chocolate fuckkkkkk!)

So on Saturday.. I had to wake up super early despite sleeping near 7am or something if Im not wrong. 10am might not be early to you but it is for me when you slept at 7am. Tskkk. I had to tell Rashid couple of white lies and made up stories to cover my ass, hekhekhek. I was running around interchange(okay not run uh -.-) cause I was scared of bumping into Rashid or Sab cause they have to go on a adventure first before meeting us at our actual venue. I told Rashid I was still in bed when the fact that I was already out way before him hehh. So anyway, I had to take cab cause I didnt wna risk to bump into him at the train station. I was so pissed cause 1) theres no bloody cab. 2) some bitch stole my cab. 3) still no bloody cab. 4) it was raining. FML.

One cab stopped and I got in cause it was already raining and then the driver said cannot cause the changing shift. WHAT THE FUCK, MOTHERFUCKER! I was soooo pissed. So finally got a cab and headed to Eunos to collect the cake that I ordered. I was soooo excited when I saw the cake at Nafiz(the baker) house. He wasnt around so I cant thank him personally. His mum is just so nice. And then I had to walk all the way to Eunos train station and its so fucking far and I was sweating like shit by then -.-

Reached Clarke Quay and waited for Q. Played along with Rashid about his whereabouts and then Q came and handed the cake to Jason. I hide at one corner when Rashid and Sab are near and wait till Q blind folded them. Hekhekhek. Detour all over Clarke Quay to our destination: Studio M hotel. Its so fun making fun of him being blindfolded and making him walk on puddles. LOL

Sunday.. again I slept late the night before and woke up early(11am-ish) Im not a morning person lah, pffffffffft! Had a date with my sister after suchhhhhhhh a long time. I miss having a date with her, just the two of us. Hekhekhek. Send mum to Little India to get her stuff and send her off to work. The weather was acting crazy. Heavy rain and then sunny as fuck and then heavy rain again. We had to drive real slow due to the weather so yup.. Headed to PS(plaza sin) and as always, my sister is a n00b when it comes to roads in Singapore. I dont understand how she can drive without knowing the roads and directions and stuff. I mean, her bf rides and can she not take note of where they ride around. Crazy girl!

We had lunch at Manhattan Fishmarket. My first time there. Had the seafood platter for two and my sister is seriously crazy. She only had like.. a quarter of it and she said she's full wtf. -.- I prefer fish&co seafood platter better. I didnt like Manhattan squid, maybe due to the batter of the fried squid. And Manhattan doesnt have mussels like fish&co does :( And also fish&co amount of prawns are much so generous then Manhattan's though I don't eat prawns that much. But Manhattan's prawns were delightful. I had a good talk and goofy time silly-ing around with my sister. We head to Daiso after that to get postcards but there werent any so we bought crazy redundant stuff like a mini shovel for our 'garden' and eyebrow stencil and face mud and some other crazy stuff you dont need to know.

Got home to return the car cause someone wanna use it =_=" Met baby Rashid after that for dinner. Well he had dinner and I just watch him eat like a little stalker. Hahahahaha. Ok la not stalker la -.- Walked home after such a long timeeee. Weird thing cause I was talking to my sister earlier on about not hanging out 897 anymore cause Rashid is busy working and have to be home early and then he send me home. Seems like he can read my head, like that. Oh tak eh? Hahahaha :P We played cards and had a good time laughing my ass off. Some more with the crazy games he suggest. Tsk tsk.

Okay this is a long post. Its been awhile since I last post thing kinda entry with pictures and all.

I have to head to bed early now. Needa wake up around 7am-ish. I have Level 2 course later on. I wonder how Im gonna handle it considering I never lead that much before :S Im just afraid I wont be able to clip the amount of clips Im suppose to clip. Hahah wth. But whatever it is, I cant wait to climb. I dont know why I always cant wait to climb. Its like I always look forward to climb. I hope Im all good tomorrow and no period cramp to spoil my day. Goodnight everybodeh! XOXO

we sure are cute for two ugly people

2011-03-21T18:49:00.003+08:00

I have so much to update on. My weekend was bloody awesome, I had so much funnnnn! Currently home alone right now and I havta get ready. Dinner with baby later on and probably meet my friends for catchup/chillax session. I love impromptu dinner with him and I love how he can make time for me even when he's tired from work etc but I have to admit, I dislike meeting him when he's all tired cause he'll tend to get pretty cranky and nasty. Hehhhh. But all's good.

I'll update everything exciting happening in my life once I get hold on the pictures from my sister's Itouch and the rest of the pictures from Agnes camera. Have a wonderful evening everyone. Much love, xoxo!

bored to the bones

2011-03-17T20:56:00.003+08:00

Hello all! Im home. Ive been sleeping over at my cousin place over at Admiralty for 2 nights and I just got home yesterday night after a short meet up with my lovely Rashid. Hahaha. Lovely Rashid, sounds like he's a girl. But yeah, he is partly girl cause he have such long lashes which I envy like fuckkkkkk, urghhhhhhhhh. RASHID!!! ME WANTS YOUR LASHIES! >:( And I put on some mascara on his right lashes and its even longer. Crazyyyyy! How can someone have such long lashes? So pretty lor, this boy. Hahahaha.

Anyway, Im bored to the bones now. I really need to find a job. I miss having a hectic life. Like when I wake up, I know what to do etc. Now.. when I wake up, theres nothing to look forward to. When I wake up, I go back to sleep cause theres nothing to do at all. Apart from cleaning the house etc -.-

And since Im bored.. Im gna write down few stuff about me that you probably know or dont know about.

#1 I think that Im fat.
#2 I dont like keeping my nails short, makes my hands look funny. But I havta keep em' short due to climbing.
#3 I love climbing.
#4 I really wish that Im good at climbing.
#5 I really want to train hard like I use to, I miss that.
#6 I think Im addicted to Tumblr :S
#7 I really dont know if Im a typical girl.
#8 If Im comfortable with you, I'll show you my true colours.
#9 I never receive flowers before in my entire life
#10 I hate it when someone says something that hurt me and then act like nothing happen next. Please go and die, asshole!
#11 To me, if you cant say something nice.. dont say anything at all.
#12 I extremely love animals.
#13 I hate nuts, peanuts whatever kind of nuts.
#14 I dont really like clingy people or people who are too depended on other people. Eg, cant go out alone or something.
#15 I am bisexual. I like girls sometimes. I check them out more then boys. Secretly of course. Shhh! Hahaha
#16 I hate it when I talk too much, people find me annoying and when I dont talk at all, they think theres something wrong going on. Tskk. Talk = wrong. Stfu = wrong. WTF?
#17 I miss the old times I had with Rashid. And I dont really know what it is.
#18 Turquoise is my fave colour followed by green, lilac, coral red and black. Hahaha.
#19 Ive never been to Marina bay sands and Handerson wave. Hahaha
#20 Im turning 20 this year. Mehehehehehehe

Okay thats all. I couldnt think of anything else though I know theres loads more but really, my brain cant think of anything else. Hehhhh.

im gonna lose my mind

2011-03-11T05:48:00.006+08:00

Why cant I sleep? I have no fucking idea. I fell asleep somewhere near 1am and woke up at 3am feeling so fucking empty and I have no idea why. I have no idea why I feel that way when I know that I have someone who really love and care for me. I don't know wheres all that emptiness is coming from. I sorta broke down a lil' bit and I realize that its all coming from the past pain. I don't fucking know why I still feel that fucking itch in my heart. Maybe cause I bottle things up way too much from the past. I never got any chance to really speak up. Even if I do, it got backfired. So.. uhmm whatever. I hate that, that certain someone just make me feel like crap. Bleargh.

I AM FUCKING SPECIAL, BITCH. I SHOULD BE TREATED LIKE QUEEN. WHY DID YOU TREAT ME LIKE TRASH? (hahaha, I know this sounds so bitchy and bratty but what the fuck)

If heartache was a physical pain, I can face it. Its so unfair that now I have to put a somewhat of a force-field all over myself and I have to be really careful and take real precautions so that I wont get myself hurt or get my head stepped on to people who deserve really my all. But I cant give my all, I just cant. I know not all guys are the same but I just cant risk it. Its hard. Having to struggle. -.- I wish I just can erase all this out of my head but I cant. Pfffft.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee I fucking hate this feeling I think I need help but I know nobody can help cause these things all other people cannot help. Wajiuheuibgenfpeafspladowauueagnaejkfae.

Okay I wanna attempt to sleep now goodnight the weather is just so awesome for a sad feeling ahh whatever k bye.

passion

2011-03-10T04:29:00.003+08:00

I certainly had a wonderful, lovely Wednesday.
Wenta climb as planned. Wanted to try the 25m wall but I reckon I should get the hang of bouldering. I hardly boulder, I'm more of a top rope chick. HAHAHAH CHEH.
I manage to complete few routes given and climb around for fun and made my own stupid easy routes. I really need to train up again. All of us are getting rusty. Well Im not sure about all of us but yeah, I'm getting rusty. Ive made a point to attempt to do pull-up until I can do 1 solid pull-up and do 20sit ups 3 times a day. Mehehehehe.
I wanna climb until my last breathe but I know that's impossible.

I wanted to climb moreeee, if can I want to climb the whole day.
But I havta make a move to meet my baby lurveeee.
I thought the journey from Yishun to Tampines takes around an hour but it only took me 20mins to reach Tampines. O.o
Met him and watched I am number four. Pretty awesome movie but someone just havta sleep next to me. Awwww poor baby, tired like mad from work. So I basically watched the movie alone while he sleeps and wake him up and went home after that. Nevertheless, I love spending time with him even though he's sleeping. Watching his sleep is nice yknow. He looks so calm and at peace, like that. Hurhurhur. We've been spending less time together now due to his attachment so I'm trying my hardest to spend as much time as I can with him. Even if I only have an hour to meet him, I'll take it.

Okay.. Nothing else to blog about now.
I shall stop here.

XOXO

everyday im shufflin'

2011-03-09T03:08:00.006+08:00

Hi!

Ive unofficially graduated from ITE Macpherson. Unofficially because I've yet to receive my results, duhhh. I can really feel the workload drop off my back once I left the examination room. I manage to do the paper and left only 2 questions blanks =___=". The MCQ was easy, its like everything was on my fingertips. Writing notes and studying last min till 4am definitely help. I really hope I can ace this, Insyallah. But I was really disappointed cause the chapter that I mainly focused on didn't came out. Nbcb -.-

My Tuesday was moderate. Woke up on time and reach school earlier for some revision. Had brunch and sit for my paper which lasted for an hour -.- Yada yada yada.. I lost my ezlink while boarding the bus to Grandlink. Was damn worried and someone made me even more worried-er(and pissed) but much thanks to Qaiyum and Irah for cheering me up, as always and calming me down. Went back to school with Qaiyum to find my missing ezlink while Irah went home.

Retraced our steps in school and called my class advisor to ask if he saw my ezlink or not. He took the effort and open up the examination class to find it but no avail. Went to the office to report and they said they'll call if anyone return it. Yada yada yada.. A lot of things went through my head. Had a great talk with Qaiyum. I'm so grateful to have him, he's always there to support and give as much advice as he can.

So anyway, went to Tampines to collect his spectacles and headed to Ikea to visit Khalil at work. Had a bloody good time laughing my ass off and played hide and seek. Din came soon after. Stupid bugger keeps on calling me and kept on telling me that he's lost and don't know where to go =_=" Ikea is so much funnnnnn and as always, keep on adding ideas for my room. Yada yada yadaaaa.. Head back to Tampines again to meet baby. Accompany him to have his dinner with the rest and then chill at rooftop. Apparently the whole climbing boys was there so yeah, a lot of laughing and poking and biting. Hehehehhh.

I like how no matter how angry I am at him..when I see him I'll automatically smile and all those anger issues just disappear into thin air. And now I just cant wait to see him again. Heheheheh cannot waittttttt want to huggggg tight tight. Hahahahahaha.

Saturday:

Wanted to study with my classmates but found out that its Rosetta's last day with us.
So yeah, study plans canceled and spend the whole afternoon hanging out at Sportings aka where the big bikes sleeps. Played Wii and just hangout. Didnt ride around much. This day seems like a rush day. Took pictures together with Rosetta for the first and last time.

We will miss you Rosetta.
Rosetta is the name of his Husqvarna. Yes the bike have a name.
You're in good hands now, probably.

Sunday:

Plans to study canceled again due to impromptu JB trip with my two favorite girls; my mom and my sister. I cant possibly say no cause its been awhile that we had girls day out and head to JB together. And its been awhile since I wenta JB too, usually its just my mom and my sister cause Im too busy with my teenage life.

1) Went to Jusco to catch a movie but there's no good movies
2) Had lunch at Johnny's Thai cuisine
3) Did a lil grocery shopping
4) Bought undergarments, mehehehe.
5) Bought our favorite pastries and also a lil something for baby.
6) Drive to Pasar Pandan.
7) Car wash
8) Bought dvds and roti naan and satays and had tea pull(teh tarik direct translation,hahaha) while waiting for car wash.
9) Home shweet home

Alright I wna sleep now. I have climb later on a Yishun which I'm soooooo excited about. Its been a while since I climb all out. Hekhekhekhek. Should start training like mad again and I cant wait for my results and now Im thinking about what course I should take next and when I can apply(hopefully I can uh pleaseeeee). ITE website is so confusing. One page put different date and the other put different. The only way I can find the right dates is to ask my class advisor or go the the admin office. Very troublesome uh serious, tskkk. And I really need to find a jobbbbbbbb. Help?

OKEH GOODNIGHT! XOXO

learn to appreciate things while they lasts

2011-03-08T00:32:00.004+08:00

Things will fall to its places soon, I promise.
Just hang in there and you know that I'm always here for you.
To catch you when you stumble and fall.
I love you xoxo

Dear Rashid..

2011-03-04T23:34:00.008+08:00

4 days ago was Rashid's 20th.

I wanted to blog about it but some other things caught up and Im lazy and shit like that. So now that I'm finally free and my mind is thinking and functioning, I'll take the chance and blog.

I made 20 cupcakes for the 20 years old birthday boy.
And surprised him at his doorstep at 12am.
Okay not exactly 12am, I was late for like 15 or 20mins.
I was really rushing cause I got home at 11:30pm and rushed to decorate the cupcakes.
At one point, he text me and told me he's chilling downstairs with his friends.
I was like.. ahh damn it, what time will he be home? If he's not home by 12, confirm plan fail. But end up, I was late. So yessss.. with the help from my sister.
THANK YOU SO MUCH KAKAK!
She drove me there and helped me to decorate the cuppies and light up the candles which burn her fingers and press the doorbell for me cause I only have 2 hands.
And Thank you so much Qaiyum, Irah, Din, Khalil, Aji, Rizal and the rest for helping me to pick up the birthday present and also giving me ideas and such, lollll. And special thanks to Qaiyum and Irah for helping me bake and follow me go grocery shopping and for helping me bake.

Don't have a picture of the birthday boy together with the cupcakes and don't have a picture of his face when he opened the door :(
Oh wells, its all in my memory card in my brain. This moment will be remembered forever.
And its my first time surprising someone at 12am on their birthday. Teehee.
I was soooo nervous while I was in the car cause I don't know what to say or do and things like that. I didn't know what I was thinking and I cant believe that I'm on my way to his place to surprise him. It was unbelievable, really. The feeling is just.. indescribable. :)

Dear Rashid..

Happy 20th my love.
I hope you achieve all your dreams that you told me, just dont give up.
You are the smell before the rain, you are the blood in my vein.
Love you soooo goddamn much, please remember that.
And you're no longer a teenager nowwww! Omggg. All grown up, cheh.
I never regretted knowing you. (Im trying my hardest not to sound so cliche here)
And I can still remember clearly the first time we met, the first time we hang out together, the first time you brought me to meet your friends but I didnt want to cause I was fucking shy and I was really awkward but I really like how I can totally be myself when Im around you.. when Im with you. Like the whole world doesn't matter that much and all I see is you.
I sound so fucking cliche right now, hahahahahahaha but what the fuck.
I love how we can call each other names and not really get affected by it even though at certain times we do get affected by it. How we can resolve our arguments and then laugh it off and smile at each other when we meet the next day. How you reassure me when Im having such thoughts, when Im unsure. Its amazing that you gave me so much memories in such a short time. Thank you for being next to me in my roller coaster ride. I love you with all my heart. Promise you wont change, cause I love you just the way you are now.

XOXO

bright side

2011-02-27T03:16:00.008+08:00

Those were taken on Wednesday during climb.
See his face, so kesian hor? Cause he cannot climb. Hurhur.

So hey! Its been awhile since I last did a proper blog post.
So here it is!
Im doing alright and coping well. Idk coping well with what uh but yeah I'm coping well. Coping well with life, perhaps? I also dunno, hahahah -.-
I'm sooooo glad that FYP is o-fucking-ver!
AND OMG I'M GRADUATING SOON! And I have no idea whats my next step.
I really wish that life is like when I'm 6 years old.
Everything is set for me, that kinda thing yknow. But yeah, I know.. till when wna be like that, right? I need to have a chat with my mum about my future soon. Whatever it is, I'm gonna try my hardest to reach my goals and dreams. And my dreams is already set in my head. And once its set, I will do whatever it takes for me to achieve it. But the thing is, when will I reach my dreams? Things are bound to happen in between.
Theres loads of possibilities about shits happening in between, cause yknow.. shit always happen. Thinking bout this makes me stress out sometimes.

*Inhaleeee, exhaleeeee*

One step at a time, Alba.
Slowly but surely. Believe in yourself.

Anyways..
I deactivated my twitter account and made a new one.
So if you wna, follow me at @nxalba
I cant think of anything to put as my user name and Rashid suggested that.
Before that I put starxabove but I realized its almost the same as Sammy baby. I wanted to put coffeeoverdose, like my tumblr but it was already taken. Fucking hell! Pfffft. So yes. nxalba is so.. I dunno. Its basically N.Alba but I cant put a dot so x instead. Get what I mean? Oh wells.

Sometimes I wish I can just blog and type all the fuck I want but I know I cant cause I know there's consequences behind every actions. Duh, obviously. And people will be talking and then I'm gna be the talk of the town for blogging about shits I'm not supposed to. Yeah I know, my blog my say but that's not really true. Freedom of speech? Freedom of speech don't fucking exist in my dictionary. There's always boundaries and limits and lines that you cannot cross. Freedom of speech doesn't really exist actually. From my point of view, you just cant have your say. Because it will be scrutinized and screened and shits get wild after that. It will be detailed down and yeah, from just one phrase will turn to paragraphs and suddenly it turns into a book. If you get what I'm saying. I don't think you'll get it cause I don't either but what the fuck.

Just like this fucker who text me few weeks ago..
Apparently this person say the law is looking for me because I blog about this person.
I don't fucking see any reason for the law to be looking for me for blogging because when I blog about a person, I didn't even fucking mention their name lor. Tsk. It could be anyone in this world. And my blog is so damn puny, just like your dick. Makes me wonder because Xiaxue(a fucking popular blogger, you must be living under a rock if you don't know her and if you're on the internet half of the time like I am. click to see her blog) blog about people, celebrity etc yet she doesn't get caught? Isn't that stupid? I mean, for the law to be looking for me when I don't even mention names/post any picture of that particular person when Xiaxue mention names/post picture, obviously criticizing and shit.

WHERES YOUR FUCKING LOGIC, ASSHOLE?

Please lah, before fucking open your mouth to me, please give yourself a brain check first. At first I couldn't be bothered much but after awhile, it just pisses me off.

And another thing that I can't stand is informers.
I don't fucking know why my life is surrounded by filthy mouth people who loves to pass information every-fucking-where. Fuck you all. I know my life is wayyyy interesting then yours but theres no reason for you to tell people who are insignificant to me about me. I don't see any reason at all, do you? I dont get it uh, what do you gain by doing this? Does it give you any satisfaction? Tskkk.

FUCK YOU ALL. I AM FUCKING HAPPY. DEAL WITH IT.

Other than being extremely happy and contented with my life though at times there's few hiccups and potholes.. I feel like having McCafe caramel frappe with milk base right this second. So frikking awsum please. And someone's birthday coming up real soon and Im cramping my brain cause I don't fucking know what to do *bites nails* But I will figure something out eventually. I am awesome. It might not be something big but uhmm.. Hekhekhek.

So its a Sunday and my plans are..
Stay home Sunday.
Clean up my room.
Clean the hamster cage. Cant procrastinate anymore, seriously.
Read library books.
Get necessary item(s).
Sleep.
Mug a lil bit.

Okay I gtg and do laundry before mom gets up from bed.

XOXO

p/s: Yesterday's the day I met Rashid for the first time 4 months ago. Okay not exactly met lah, we bumped into each other. Bahahahaha. Just a random note. We went through a lot even though its just 4 months. And it doesn't feel like 4 months at all. Many more months and hopefully years to go. I love you Muhammad Abdul Rashid ♥

i just came to say hello

2011-02-24T14:22:00.003+08:00

Currently in class now. Done doing one pass year paper and Im left with one more which I will complete sometime this week or so.
I can really feel the stress building up now that exams are coming near and that Im graduating soon and theres so many things to do. Okay not really uh. To think again, I only have 1 core module. Which means, only 1 paper to sit for. Hohohoh.

Tomorrow will be the last day of school, unofficially.
FYP presentation tomorrow and I need to present. Naiceee. But together with Pakjilah. HAHAHA PAKJILAH! Inside joke, loll.
And after that, no more workload to think about.
And next week, just come to school on Monday for another test and then Im done.
Gonna chiong and mug like crazy till the 6th and the next day is the big day.
And then.. GRADUATEEEEE!

Im still thinking about what I wna do next. Its either work + private dip or Higher Nitec.
Mhhhhh.. Decisions decisions. What do you think?

And yesterday I wenta climb after succccch a long time.
My whole body is aching like mad now.
The new intake came to climb yesterday and I cant climb much and Rashid came for nothing cause end up, he didnt get to climb and he only jog 3 rounds after that. Oh wells. We're planning to climb at Yishun after our exams. Gtg now.

XOXO

accusation

2011-02-17T04:58:00.000+08:00

One thing that bothers me and annoy me the most is people who loves to assume and accuse the fuck out of me.
Especially when they don't know shit and means zero shit to me.
Know nothing, heard nothing from me for a long time and then suddenly text me, bombarding me with accusations. I don't fucking know where the fuck you got all those from, who you heard it from what so ever. But Im not giving any shit.

I would loveeee to reply to what you text me but I figured its just wasting my time because why should I stoop to your level?
Though I am really annoyed by it but then again.. this is not the first time.
How fucking shallow are you? -.-' I'm not surprised actually. The next time you wanna text me and try to bring me down what so ever, please brush up on your basic English. Your grammar sucks. And clearly, you're still not happy with me and I don't know why.

Roses are dead, violets are too, I`m still in love but not with you. You thought you hurt me, and made me cry, But I was in love with another guy. Simply because you have no class, All you can do, is kiss my ass. You sit around and talk your shit, So fuck you and your little ass dick. You thought you left me, but I left you, What my man is doing, you can`t do. You tell your homies you played me like a bitch, And I tell my girls you have a little dick. You said you loved me, but It wasn't true. Well guess what Motha Fucka I played you too.

I FIND THAT REALLY FUNNYYYYYYYYYYYYY! Hahahahahahaha. Kyn tweeted that. LOL!

Okay so hi everybodehhh! Its been a while since I last blog, ey?
I did have the time to blog but I just don't know what to blog about and Im lazy to blog sometimes.
But oh wells. Life's been treating me good lately. Ive been exceptionally happy and pretty content and grateful for everything.

And my FYP submission date is this Friday. WHAT THE FUCK?
Must chiong already. But most of the stuff is done though. Mhhh..
Okay I wna try and sleep now. Goodnight love!

XOXO

cause i used to be a shell

2011-02-08T04:13:00.004+08:00

Its funny how certain songs you can relate to so deeply.
Its funny how this song makes me want to cry so badly.
Its funny how I can be happy for a second and sad as fuck next.
Knowing that I was once like that, it just makes me sad thinking back.
Strong enough to walk away, broken enough to look back.

Time heal all wounds. My wounds will heal. It will.

*inhale*

Oh hai you guise!
Its near 4:20am right now and I cant go back to sleep.
I fell asleep straight away when I got home, which is near 11pm-ish.
And woke up around 2:30am. Niceeeeee~
I had a super lovely Monday though I was extremely fatigue due to major lack of sleep. I didnt sleep the night before cause if I do, I wont wake up for my morning lesson. =_="

Apart from that..

I miss my long hair.

Long enough to cover my boobies! I wonder why Im so frikking stupid to cut when my dream hair is to have long hair, long enough for cover my boobs. Hahahaha. -.- Oh wellsssss. Hair will grow. Probably by mid August, it will be long enough for my liking and long enough to make fishtail braids. Hurhur.

Okay I think I needa attempt to sleep now. Morning lesson at 8am later on.
XOXO

someone like you

2011-02-03T02:01:00.005+08:00

Oh hey there.
Ive got nothing in my mind to blog about cause I is so uninspired but I'll blog anyways cause thats how I roll. Hahahahaha wtf.
So anyway, Im back to being unemployed. Pretty sad situation but what the fuck.
But came to think of it.. easy come, easy go. 1 door close, a million more open. Okay lah, not really but oh wells.

Like what Alda(I forget his real name, hahah :O) told me, its good that Im jobless now too cause Im like stressed out and tired and etc etc. Its true though. Cause Im schooling and always get home late and when it comes to the weekend, I dont have time to rest cause Ive gotta go to work. And when I came to think of it.. I work for nothing. Just for my own leisure. Just for my own greed to get stuff that I dont really need. Cause I dont pay my own bills, my mum still give me pocket money(sometimes.. if i ask for it). So my pay usually goes to clothes, transportation and food. Loads and loads of food. Im gaining weight, I think. And also treating my love ones. Ive yet to bring my family out for dinner which I will when I get my next and last pay. Hurhur.

And I cant believe Im graduating in a month time. Time flies so quicklyyyy! I hate it sometimes but it sucks that time waits for no man. Sucks to think that time machine really doesn't exist like in the movies. Pffft, why do they make fictional movies anyway? Whats their motive of making fictional movies? It just pisses me off cause those shits ain't real and yeah, get my drift?

So anyway, on Sunday.. met my lil ham instead of going over to my cousin baby shower or smtg. Cukur rambut in english is what uh? Idk but oh wells. Accompany him have his dinner and then just hang out around the hood. He brought those blowing bubble thing and I love blowing bubbles. Doesn't matter blowing the plastic bubble thing or those soap bubble thing. I love bubbles. Its like.. oh I dunno. -.-

Littlest things like this makes me happy, yknow.
Sometimes it is the littlest things that counts.

Adore(uh-dorh) -;
Love intensely, be crazy about, be smitten with, to truly respect
and value something or someone with the utmost esteem. Worship. Admire.
I like you, I love you, I adore you.

Im surprised that you still stick to me like glue even after I put you into multiple shits and got you really angry and stuff cause we just get to know each other better and I thought you'd stray after getting to know how shitty of a person that I am. Idk, I think Im shitty person, haha. Im a huge mess at that point of time, but you say Im not. It so weird how I can fall so deeply for you cause I never thought that someone like you, would like someone like me after what I put you through. Idk, I just think that way. You've heard me cry and seen me fall, see me through my flaws and still love and accept me as I am. I love how I can call you silly names and scold you vulgarities and you wont be affected as much but though I know sometimes you are, hehhhh. I love how I can bully you to the extreme and you still laugh it off and not be mad at me. I love you from the bottom of 313 basement 3. Hahahaha, inside joke. & you know you cant top that off :P

XOXO

urhwkjarfbeuja

2011-01-30T03:17:00.003+08:00

Some old photos I found. Those were wayyyy back then when I was schooling at ITE Bishan. Goshhhhhhhh, frikking miss that school. Miss all those old times. Those chillax times. Hahaha. Then now like regret abit, for not so focus-ing much and always skip lectures. Tskkkkk. Oh wells, no point regretting.

So anywayyyyyyyyyy, just got home from work. Okay not just lah. Like an hour ago or so. So bloody tiringggggg. But my day ended well. Sucky day at work. Yada yada yadaaaaa. Had a lovely dinner/supper with ham and lepak and then head home. And Im doing morning shift later on and Im still not asleep yet. Gile babi or what.

K I need to sleep now. XOXO

redhead

2011-01-26T16:44:00.003+08:00

Currently in school. Fucking redundant, shouldnt have come at all. Tskkk. But its okay. I came to school to eatttt. School food = freakum awesome stuffs.

Anyway, I found some old photos anddddd..

I FRIKKINGGGGGG MISSSSSSS MY REDDDDD HAIRRRRRRRR!

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG! OH WELLS.
Okay, thats all. Bye!

yummeh in my tummeh

2011-01-22T03:38:00.004+08:00

Just a quick post cause I really need to sleep cause I start work at 2pm later on and I have to wake up by 11am latest. Tskkkk. Cant afford to come to work late again.

Anyway, I had such a lovely Friday. Rot at ham's place all the way till evening after school. Plans of picnic-ing/fishing with classmates cancle due to the rest of my girls are not going and if I were to go, Im the only girl there. So yeah. Anyway, we cant be bothered to buy food downstairs and I suggest that we order Macdonals instead. But then my throat(and tummy) decided that they want pizza & spicy chicken and garlic bread so we ordered pizza hut instead. Hurhurhur, though pizza hut is just few meters away from us. We're such lazy bums, tskkk.

Damn yummehhhh!! And all those for only 2 people. Hahaha. And its been awhile since I last had pizza hut.
The last time was during the fasting month I suppose? Hurhur.
And I hate the fact that my pay goes to food, food and food. Sighh.
And Ash told me Im getting chubbier. Ohhh noooo! Thats a bad sign.
Must start counting calories and train more soon. Or skip meals. Or make myself sad.
Yah lah, I will only lose weight when Im depress or something. Hahahaha.

Went home around 7.30pm, changed and head out to Spize@Simpang to meet his boys.
And I had the mose awesomest chocolate banana milkshake. He had oreo milkshake which taste normal to me. The best oreo milkshake still goes to Al-Majlis. *drools* And we shared a plate of Roti John Chicken special with black pepper. OMG DAMN AWESOME! The best roti john I swear!

I think I probably gain around 5kg -.-
Tskkkkkkk. Being a girl is so hard.
We have to keep track of our weight, buy cosmetics, use cosmetics, buy pad, enduring cramps etc etc. How I wish I have flawless skin so that I can use minimal or no make up at all. Im not saying that I use heavy thick load of make up. Is just that I need proper coverage to cover my major dark eye circles and acne scarring. Pffft.
But its okay. Ham's perfectly fine with it and love how I look with or without make up on.. unlike someone. *rolls eyes*

Bottom line, I feel so goddamn good today.
All fizzy and queasy and good inside. And I haven't had this feeling for the longest time ever.
The feeling of being appreciated and loved and blessed and yada yada yada.

Oh life is finally a bliss.. for now.
I hope this will stay as it is foreverrrrr. But fat hope, I know.
Shits will definitely happen but Im all well prepared for it.

Goodnight and have a great weekend ya'll!
My weekend will be spend working my ass off to feed my ass. Hahahaha -.-
XOXO

sleeping ham

2011-01-20T18:02:00.003+08:00

Oh why hello there.
Im currently at ham's place. He's like asleep I think and Im attempting to do my worksheet which is taking a toll on my brain. Cause its so damn fucking hard. Okay uh, not so hard but yeah. Im just sooo damn lazy to think and function and use to brain.

Okay now Im just getting bored so Im gna play some mindless games at facebook.
Ttyl! XOXO

exterrestrial

2011-01-20T01:44:00.005+08:00

Current song Im addicted to. Keep on singing this every single frikking time. I fucking love Katy Perry. And Im missing my Katy Perry hair already. Maybe I should do it again soon. Prolly next month's pay.

Okay need to sleep now. And hows the new layout? Hahaha.
So much for a low profile. But I will.. soon.

Goodnight lovers and haters. XOXO

insert sigh emoticon here

2011-01-17T02:27:00.004+08:00

To the person who left 11 questions on my formspring regarding my fall out, ridiculing him and giving me best wishes. Thank you for the best wishes though. I wrote a whole lot of shit but decided not to post it. Because honestly.. why should I bother answering or explaining myself to you? Fuck you, you dont know shit. You might be his friend or heard his side of the story..whatever. Either way, nobody knows how I truly felt, what he did and how much I suffered. Im not gonna cry over spilled milk any-fucking-more and I left everything bac in 2010. Its 2011 now bitch, I have a life to live and dreams to fulfilled. Thank you for wasting your time typing those, noted, ignored and deleted.

Anyway.. I had a lovely Sunday. Met Rashid before work and had lunch with him. What a lovely start. Ended my day with him too. Even after I told him not to meet me cause he have morning lesson on Monday which is today. He is damnnnn stubborn, tskkk! Came up with excuses but Im bloody touched lah. Nobody cared that much for me, apart from my family. Work was okay, same ol' same ol'. I just cant wait for later. School and then climb after that. And then crash on the crash pad with my stupid lil ham. Hahahaha.

But right now I feel so.. wjoiuiyiieoygfbejadkqlwosiirofhdbcjdn. Its the kinda feeling I dont know how to explain and it sucks. Urghhhhhhhhhhhhh! Shoulve bought chocolate just now, to make myself feel better. Maybe I should let it out by climbing like mad later on. Maybe I will. But confirm I'll be lazy to climb like mad -.- Oh wells.

Goodnight ya'll!

sorry for that night~

2011-01-15T02:02:00.005+08:00

Please pardon the backgroud, heh.

Yesterday(its already past midnight now) was pretty productive despite the rain.
Was a little late for my dental appointment which sorta messed out our actual plan.
I thought we(I mean me and Rashid) are just gonna bum and lepak around Tampines after servicing Rosetta(his gf). We wanted to catch a movie with the Khalil and Rizal as we planned on Thursday. We wanted to watch Love&Other Drugs but the time slot is 7pm. By the time Rosetta is set and ready to go, its around 7.15-ish. And the next slot is at 9.15pm which is pretty late.

I called them up just in time when they were purchasing tickets. But catching Seasons of the Witch instead. Due to unforeseen circumstance, hahaha. So yes, we manage to catch a movie afterall.

I was sooo sleepy while at Sportings(where big bike sleeps) and Bao(the shop pet cat) is sooo damn adorable, omgggg! Ive seen her photos but I didnt thought she'd be THAT small. I thought she's like.. slightly smaller then Chong but not oh so small. So cuteeeezzxxzxz! And then Amir bought us killer Fried noodles. I think he's really trying to kill us but delicious still. The kinda spicy that makes me want more kinda thing. Rashid swallow everything up within mins cause that's his first meal. Its my first meal too but I just got my braces tighten so.. its abit uncomfy and aching like a lil bitch.

So back to the movie.. Met the boys right on time and I thought its gonna be the 5 of us watching. Turns out.. Dinie, Din, Aji, Mot&Gf was there too. Pleasant surprise. The movie was awesomeeeeeeeee. I dont know why, maybe cause the witch looks cool and maybe cause Robert Sheehan from the Misfits is acting. No wonder he look so familiar. =__=" I was like " handsome eh? he looks so familiar " to Rashid and he was like.. ignoring me. -.-

Pretty much a lovely rainy day. Okay thats all goodnight bye!

& Ive been playing that countless of times.
And to think she wrote that song for Taylor Lautner. Awww, poor kitty.
And the video gives me chills, maybe its the snow in this video.

you appear just like a dream to me

2011-01-13T01:17:00.005+08:00

Imma make this a quick post cause I have to head to bed soonnnnnn! My eyes is really heavy and Im having slight flu. Slight flu because I know I will get better/flu-free tomorrow *cross fingers* Further more, I need to train my body to go to sleep earlier. Cause I will only fall asleep after 3am. Weird much but what the hell.

& someone asked me this on my formspring;

nurul how'd u find the courage in u to leave the ex? he threatened you and all,weren't u scared of wht'd happen?I am gg thru this for nearly half a year and i really am not strg enough. I am stuck with the x who uses threats against me and scares me to cont'. He scares me into staying with him. I want to leave but if i do,what's gg to happen to him?What if he does what he threatened me?Wht im scared is he will surely destroy my whole life.He will tell my parents what we did and what happened btwn us n i just believe he will do it. Sometimes i just wanna kill myself to get away from him. He is so pyschotic. Should i just up and leave?im sorry to trouble u but u seem so strg to leave while im too scared.

It took me the longest time ever to find the courage. & YES, OF COURSE I WAS SCARED! I was scared to my bloody bones. Ask yourself babe, why keep holding on when you know you're not happy AT ALL? I was exactly like you and a lot of people ask me why I still hold on when I'm always crying and sad and sappy all the time. My answer was excuses. One after another excuses. I made excuses and exceptions and all those crap to make it sound as if its not that bad when I know it myself that its ruining me and draining the shit out of me. I left when Im sure that its really destroying me cause c'mon, Im only 19 years old and theres so much more for me than just a bloody dude who make me feel like shit all the time. Just fucking leave him for fucks sake if you're unhappy. Fuck him, he's not your husband. He is a dick for forcing you to stay with him. You cant force love honey. What for you still stay with him if you dont love him right? Nothing/nobody can destroy you. Only you can destroy your own self, which you are doing now cause you still stick around with the person who makes your life miserable. You can leave all that, but you refuse to because of this fear. Its all in the mind. Just leave, theres nothing he can do about it. If you still love him, try explaining to him that he's hurting you and compromise things. And I bet he's not a man of his words. Only boys uses threats, real men dont do that. My exbf threat me that he will kill himself if I really leave him etc. But I didnt receive anything about his funeral. Or maybe he did kill himself and no one inform me? Whatever, I dont give a fuck anyway. For the record, Im not as strong as you think I am. Its all from the encouragements from my wonderful friends. Which friend likes seeing their friend who's always crying and complaining right? I hope whatever shit I say here helps. Good luck & thank you for asking babe. If you're shy to ask me anything personal on formspring, do email me. Dont worry, it will be confidential :) XOXO

So anyway, lovely day today. All windy and cooling and the rain, superb daaa~ Hahaha. Head to airport after school with my girlies and had so much fun talking and laughing. They're so mean to leave me alone in Watsons without helping me to pick out a mascara, pffft. I hope you're feeling better, Sri. Dont feel all shitty.. trust no man, fear no bitch. Hekhekhek. Met Rashid after that and lepak at his place and met his Dad and sister. Was kinda nervous but hehhh, I kept my cool. CHEH. Gave him some of my failed brownies. Failed cause its more of a chocolate cake than a brownie. LOL. And his sister gave pretty reasonable comments about it and yes Lulu, there's def room for improvements. Lulu is his sister btw. So cute right, the name, Lulu. Hekhekhek. Cuter when his sister calls him meow instead of Rashid or Shid or what. Hahahaha.

Oh and school's been a-okay so far. As for the january intake, I havent had a good look of them and theres no cute girls, theres only stupid matreps around. And so far, its been really relaxed in school/classes and only few changes to the timetable and will get the official timetable next week. I hope I can work after the changes done. Can set my schedule and work and earn monehhhhzxzxxx! And I still dont know what shoe I should get. WIDOWARHEUJFNEKDKWAS. I have so many things in mind but I dont really know what to buy -.- Maybe I should save like fuck then buy everything at one go, eh? Sounds like a good idea.. or maybe not.

Okay need to sleep now goodnightttttttttttt!

all i wanted was you

2011-01-10T02:10:00.005+08:00

Posted that picture because I frikking miss my long hair.
Geeeeez. Sometimes I miss my long hair, sometimes I dont. When the times that I dont miss my long hair, I feel like cutting my hair. Then when I think back, I'll think of my long hair. That's when I'll start missing my long hair. Yes lah, Im fickle, weird whatever. Tskk. I look so much cuter with longer hair. Now Im just boring cute. Hahaha wtf okay fine Im not cute.

Anwwww.. Alot of you been asking about Forever 21, so I figured I'll blog about it so that you guys dont have ask and I dont have to answer repeatedly. Heh hehhhh.

I applied by walking in straight and ask if theres vacancy and that I'd like to apply for a job. They ask me to proceed to level 4 to get the application form and once Im done filling in, the level 4 cashier ask me to head down to level 1 again to hand in. Lucky me, the supervisor was there and I was interviewed on the spot. Nothing serious(to me) cause I've been working under retail line before and I studied retail. The interview was pretty flexible and she asked me if I could start tomorrow. I was in complete shock, I thought she was kidding. So I said I'll start the following week. So yes, I applied on Friday and started working on Monday.

Im not sure about the benefits. Part-timers do not get staff discounts but the management is working on that. But when I buy stuffs from there, my full-timer workmate gave me staff discount. Got around 20% discount I think? Im not sure. Right now, they're only hiring full-timers but you can try your luck. Try applying when theres supervisor/managers around. Ask any of the sales associate walking around the store(or me if Im working) to see if they're around. The supervisors/manager usually do cashiering. They're paying 6.50/hr. Work 4 times a week, you can set your schedule monthly.

I do not work at forever 21 for discounts/benefits(if theres any) what so ever. I just like working under retail because food and beverage line is just not my cup of tea. I am not promoting forever 21 what so ever, Im just answering questions I get from my fellow readers. Thank you. If I receive any rude remarks etc, It will be noted, ignored and deleted.

Another question which I receive which caught my attention;

why settle for less when you can find someone way good looking? lol u have the looks and all. make good use of it.

What do you mean by settle for less when I can find someone way good looking? What defines good looking to you? What does good looking means to you? Where does good looks brings you? Whats the meaning of good looks? I dont think I have the 'looks' and all those shiznits. Im pretty much average. No more no less. What do you mean by make good use of it? What for? It'll only breaks people heart and people will eventually look down on me(i know someone who knows hes goodlooking and took advantage of it and now people are looking down on him including me). And why should I find someone good looking? I dont get it. Why should I find someone good looking when I already found someone who accept me for who I am whole heartedly, who takes good care of me, who understands me, who trust me, who encourage me for the better and who makes me a better person? And why are you so damn fucking typical or are you just jealous? Hahaha & _|_ fuck you _|_

Tskkkkkkk. Fucking moron! -.-
Not gonna let that affect my first day of school.
Yes lah tomorrow start school already. Okay not tomorrow, I meant later on.. cause its past midnight already.
The only thing I cant wait about is seeing the new January intake and see the freshies, the YPs. HAHAHAHAHA! And also eat school food. Fucking miss school food.
& I still haven't got my shoe yet cause you guys didnt help me pick out which shoe I should get.
Pfffffffft, bastard sia you all, dont wna help me pick which shoe I should get. HMPFH.

Okay nothing else to blog about.
And I think the longer I work at level 1, the more accessories I will have.
I keep on buying the accessories there. Urghhh must stop this accessories addiction!
Okay goodnight ya'll! XOXO

p/s: Dear You..

I could follow you to the beginning
And just relive the start
And maybe then we'll remember to slow down
To all of our favorite parts

2011-01-06T04:26:00.003+08:00

i dont understand how you can stick to him after you say hes alr a asshole. i dont understanad why you have to embarrass him also. is there a need to blog about it?

I sure knew that people like you will leave such comments on my formspring. Im not sure if you're illiterate or not -.- Please do me a favor and read my prev post carefully before leaving such comments and make a major fool of yourself. I stick with him because I was blinded by love. You know when they say love makes the world go round? Yea, that kinda shit got me. Its like I got my ass squeezed by sexy cupid. Hahaha oh thats a song by the way -.- And when you truly love someone, Im sure you dont wna let go just like after hanging on for so long right? But I let go because I cant stand it anymore and the love is no longer there. Its no longer there cause it faded. It faded cause of the way he treated me. Am I embarrassing him? Im not sure. And even if theres a need or no need, I can blog whatever that pleases me. As cliche as it sounds, its my blog and I control whatever the content is. But well.. YESSS! There is a need to blog about it. Cause I feel angry all the time and I have to let out somewhere. Oops, Im sorry that I have to let it out on blog, my bad.. NOT! -.-

If there's anymore questions and doubts, please feel free to ask at my formspring. Thankzzzxxzxxx!

Oh hiiiiiiiiii youuuuuuuuuuu guiseeeeeeeeeeeeee!

The first week of 2011 has been okayyy.
I kept on forgetting that its already 2011.
The only thing that reminds me that its already 2011 cause Rashid is turning 20 in couple of months which means Im turning 20 too! Omgggggg! We're not teenagers anymore.
Well, he's not gonna be a teenager first! Thank god my birthday is like.. long way to go. Hehhh. So if people ask me how old am I, Im gonna say Im 19 all the way till my birthday comes. Cause I know some people like to say their age according to the year and not according to their birthday date.

And Im only working for like 3 days this week.
Wenta town earlier on to collect my pay but its not approved by the management in Dubai yet. !@#$%^&*)(*&^%$#!@# So frikking pissed. Its either on Thursday or Friday.
Rashid told me to expect the worst and he keeps on saying that I will only get my pay on Saturday. Really getting on my nerves siah that kiddo. Thank god Im the keep-my-feelings-in-the-bottle-and-throw-away type.
Then went to town for nothing siah, seriously. But not really uh. Cause we(Shiddy and I) wenta catch Gullivers Travel. Its suchhhhh a tickle-my-funneh-bone movie. Kept us laughing the whole time. We had lunch before that at Far East and check out couple of shoes but nothing seems to grab my attention. After the movie, check out the shoes avail at Cinei and still, nothing, zero, nada, zilch.

But heres few pairs that Im thinking of and I need your help.
Which should I get my hands on?

Vans Chukka Low in Black

Pointers Tamziq in Turquoise

Macbeth Orchid

Etnies Jameson

Yes its all black shoes cause I need a nice comfy shoes for work/school.
I think if theres still nothing, Im just gonna get a temporary comfy shoes like Toms or Converse or Vans Old Skool or Era or something. I cant stand working using the cute New Look slip ons. Its pretty comfy but I guess I got the wrong size - one size smaller which is wayy wrong for work! Standing long hours + tight shoes = so wronggg!

Okay I guess thats all and Im getting sleepy.. SLEEP NOW ALBA!
Goodmorning ya'll! Have fun in school you poly people!

fucking insignificant dust

2011-01-04T01:06:00.004+08:00

Sup bitches?

Its 2011 already yo! Hohohohoh. My countdown wasnt that great but what the fuck, I get spend with people that I love. And only that matters. And the next day, I was working morning shift and I my energy was seriously 0%, tskkkkkkk. Countdown, got home late, didnt sleep and off to work. Crazy start for 2011 but it was all good.

Anyway, I had a lovely time whenever Im spending it with Rashid. Now that my mum knows him, I can just come clean with her. And he is such so sweet for accompanying me do my nails and walk around town with my two girls even when he's tired and lack of sleep just now. Feel so loved! Hahahahaha.

And wanna make things clear.. I did not break up with that asshole because of Rashid. I repeat, I DID NOT! He is naturally already an asswipe so.. nuff said' Nothing more to explain, right? He might be reading this, I dont care. As far as I know, he's talking shit about me too. Saying shits about me to people who dont know me. Atleast for me, I dont do that. Even when I talk about him, is to people whom are close to me/people whom he knows/people who knows him. But too bad for him for causing all this, Im letting the whole world know about him. + theres few other shits that I found out about, he totally deserve this. HAHHHHHHHHHH whatever. -.-

First off.. we broke up such a long time ago. But Im so blinded and stupid to struggle and hold on to it and still contact him. When I realize that its all bullshit and that I cant take it anymore and that this is really going nowhere, I decided to let go - to completely not contact him. And thats when he burst and cant accept the fact that Im leaving him. Cause apparently, HE'S LIKE SOME HOT STUFF THAT GIRLS ARE NOT SUPPOSE TO LEAVE HIM, ONLY HE CAN LEAVE THE GIRL. Somethin' like that -.- HAH. Thats what I think though. + he's only brave doing shits to girls. He dont dare causing shits to other people. Easy said, KENTALAN BUAH LAICHEE!

Secondly.. He cant stand looking at other people's happiness. Sad but true. He seriously cant see that other people is happy. Even when Im happy, he will scold me. YES HE DID! He told me himself too that he dont like seeing me happy, it makes him angry or something like that. Hahahahaha _|_

Thirdly.. he doesnt trust me. Whats a relationship without trust? -.- He also doesnt even accept me for who I am. If you know what kinda person I am, you'll know what I mean. So yea. Why the fuck you want me to stay for if you dont trust me and doesnt accept me for the way I am? Tskkkk.

I know a relationship is between two people and not the whole world. BUT WHAT THE FUCK MAN, Im single now. Im not in a relationship. HARRRRHARHARHAR! -.-

Oh, he stalked me, threaten me and did lots of shits to me which I cant even describe how I feel about it. Its just really bizarre. He can deny it all he wants but he surely know the truth and I know the truth and some other people know the truth too.

YOURE JUST A CRAZY PSYCHO PATH LAH DUDE! I pity you so much.
And I am so disgusted already. Tskkkkk. Your reputation proceeds you. And I bet you wont change. Cause you told me you'll change 3 years ago but I dont see a single change. A leopard wont change its spot. Hehhhhh.

Oh wells, whatever. Its 2011 already. Put all the past behind and time to kiss the future.
I seriously wont look back but I wont regret either. Its all parts and parcels of life.
We need throw the bad one to let the good one comes in.

Ok goodnight ya'll, need rest. Afternoon shift later on. Zzzzzz.
XOXO!